A Fancy Bottle of Shenanigans - Dr. Seuss Style

Has anyone ever given you one of these things?

Metaphorically I mean?

The bottle is blue or maybe green,

And the oblong shapes inside come with an alluring candy-coated sheen?

Stop! Don't eat them just yet-

Read on! read on! I shall prove to you this was not just a dream!

Two weeks after baby number one was born the doorbell rang

I tell you this happened

I tell you this true-

A plethora of postmarked packages were piled high on the porch,

Tilted, askew

It wasn't a holiday

not even

Kwanzmasukahfestivuslu!

Swallowed whole by bubble wrap and hollowed out cardboard,

I began to panic, yes I did

This one says, "That one is the best!"

That one says, "This one is the worst!"

Your neighbor Jean says, "I know what's best for quenching your thirst!"

Breathe new mama, don't feel cursed

T'maybe best to inquire

with your pediatrician first.

So many people will tell you what to do and that their way is best,

It can be as scary, exhausting and intimidating as an elephant staring down at a flea.

So whether it be

Formula, diapers, butt cream or breast milk enhancement tea

Don't hesitate to ask your doctor,

on this you can trust me.